anger and hope

candle - Copy

I hate Diabetes. It is a killer so many people don’t see. Your hair doesn’t fall out, you don’t seem sick at all, it is easy to hide. Yes, you can have low blood sugars which knock you on your butt or in the hospital. Yes, you can manage your Diabetes so it doesn’t manage you. Yet, in the end, it almost always wins.

Two amazing men in the last month lost their control. One, just 66, lost both his legs before losing his life. This man was fit, worked hard at taking care of his body, and it didn’t matter. The other was one of my best friends. He mentored me when I was struggling to make sense of my early years of Diabetes. He ran at life hard and embraced it all. He was younger than me and his heart stopped him in his tracks.

Management can only give you a chance at a normal life. It can’t make it normal. I’m fighting with needing a pump (both these men wore those). I do not want tubing and vials attached to me. This management is not normal. Normal is being able to eat whatever I want, wear whatever I want (I’ve not worn a dress in years because I take shots in my tummy 4 times a day), not having my fingertips full of holes, or worrying about complications Diabetes may bestow on me.

I hate Diabetes. I hate what it does to people and how it silently carves our loved ones away. I was and am blessed by the lives of these lights who have gone out. Their reflection will never fade. This is the only hope and blessing I can find in losing them. It is enough?

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